Soulless (Lawless #2) Read online

  King and I had been friends since we were fifteen years old. That was the first time he’d ever reached out and embraced me in more than a pat on the shoulder, but an actual hug. It was brief, but he was my brother. Blood or not, he had my back and I had his. Even in the hospital while our pseudo mother lay dying on the other side of the wall. “She really wants to talk to you,” he added.

  I nodded and reached my hand out for Ti who had her hands full with a weeping Ray against her chest. “You go first,” Ti said, “I’ll join you in just a minute.” I didn’t want to go in alone, but at the same time, I felt like I had to. There was so much to say to Grace, but where the hell would I even start?

  “Abel,” Grace said, again lowering her mask and stretching out her fingers for me. I sat beside her on the chair and took her hand in both of mine.

  “I’m here,” I reassured her, giving her hand a quick kiss. Her skin was ice cold.

  “I knew you would be. Even though I know you hate hospitals. Are you all right?” she asked.

  I laughed because Grace knew me better than anyone. She was knocking on death’s door yet she wanted to make sure I was okay because I hated hospitals. “I don’t think okay is really the word I’d use,” I said.

  She smiled at me. The same sympathetic smile that got me through a lot of hard times during my teenage years. “I know what happened to Samuel felt like the end of your life too, my son.” Grace drew in a shaky labored breath. “But it wasn’t. And when I get to the other side, I know for a fact the both of us are going to have a good long laugh at your expense.” She coughed and I lunged forward to place the mask back over her face.

  She took slow deep breaths, her chest lurching on every intake. When she’d calmed, I said, “I wouldn’t put it past either one of you.” She waved away my hand and looked at me with unfocused bloodshot eyes. Her lips were a light shade of blue. Her hair was covered with a light purple bandana.

  “I am dying, Abel. But I swear to fucking Christ that I’m not leaving you. You need to know I wouldn’t do that. When you make Thia your wife, which I know you’ll do just from the way you both look when you talk about one another, I’ll be here with you.” She patted my hand, again comforting me when she was the one in the hospital bed. “When you welcome your first, second, third child into this world, I’ll be here. When you don’t know what to do or you don’t know where to turn, I’ll whisper in your ear until you make up your mind. Just promise me one thing.”

  My heart was hammering in my chest. Tears I didn’t know I possessed leaked from the corners of my eyes and trailed their heat down my cheeks, wetting my beard. “What’s that?” I asked. My voice cracked.

  Grace flashed me a weak smile, her chest rose and fell rapidly. The machines beeping and blinking with each intake of final breath. “When it comes to the girl out there.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Don’t fuck it up.” Grace gasped.

  I held her hand up to my lips. “I’ll try my hardest not to. I promise.” I chuckled, tasting the salt of my tears. My shoulders shook, and for a small moment I allowed myself to wallow in my grief.

  “Thank you, sweet boy,” Grace said, bringing my hands to her mouth and giving them a dry-lipped kiss.

  “For what?” I asked, wiping my cheek on the shoulder of the shirt I’d put on as we were walking up to the doors.

  “For being the son I always wished for. You, Samuel, and Brantley. I prayed for sons every single day since the day I married Edmond, and it took long enough, and you boys didn’t come to me in a way I ever expected, but suddenly you were there, and you made me the mama I’d always wanted to be.” Machines beeped and blinked again. Some sort of alarm went off on the far wall. The room flashed in red light.

  “There is so much I need to tell you,” I said, holding on to her more tightly as if she was going to slip out of my grasp at any second and physically fall to her death.

  “I know, and there is so much I need to tell you.” Grace looked to the ceiling and then back to me. “I need to apologize.”

  “For what? Dying?” I asked, the word coming out broken.

  “No. For lying. I lied to you Abel, and I’m so sorry. I really hope you can find a way to forgive me some day. I thought it was for the best, but looking back, I think I should have fought harder. Come up with another plan. I…”

  “It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters,” I said just as Grace started to choke. She cleared her throat several times before she could speak again.

  “It’s all there for you to find out,” she said, and I didn’t know if she was still talking about the same thing, or if she was on any pain medication that might have just kicked in. “As I said, I’m dying, but I’m not going anywhere. Even death couldn’t keep me from my boys.”

  “Kind of like Preppy,” I said, forgetting that I’d never told Grace about hearing his voice.

  Grace flashed me a tight, blue-lipped smile. “You hear him too.”

  “Sometimes,” I admitted, “Although, not as much anymore.”

  “He was a good boy, my Samuel. Never could let anyone get a word in when he could say it louder, ruder, and a lot more inappropriately.” Grace chuckled and then coughed. I reached over and sat her up, feeling the outline of the bones in her spine and the outline of her ribs as I did.

  When the fuck did she get so skinny?

  “Thank you,” she said, after the coughing fit subsided. “Dying hurts.”

  “Not funny,” I said.

  “I didn’t mean for it to be. It’s just the truth.”

  “I should have been there more. I should have—”

  “No,” Grace said, effectively shutting me down. “Stop with that ‘should have’ shit. I have no regrets and you shouldn’t have them either. I love you. No matter what. For as long as I’m in this life and for as long as the next will have me.”

  Grace’s eyes darted over my shoulder toward the door.

  “There you are,” she said, holding out her other hand. Ti stepped up and took it in hers, going to stand on the other side of Grace’s bed.

  “What’s going on with the alarms?” Ti asked.

  “It’s nothing,” Grace said, “I’m just dying and they know it, but the machines don’t have human brains so they seem to think I’m salvageable. They’ll stop in a second.”

  Sure enough in another three seconds, the room calmed and returned to the sickening halogen green glow it was cast in when I first came in.

  “Thia, my dear, remember what I told you,” Grace said, without letting go of my hands. Thia leaned over and held on to Grace’s forearm. “Be good to my boy.”

  “I will. I promise,” Ti said, wiping her own tears. “Always.”

  “That’s my girl,” Grace said, followed by another coughing fit, this one twice as long as the last. More alarms buzzed and sounded, yet not a single nurse or doctor came bursting into the room.

  “Is there any music around?” Grace asked, again moving the mask away from her mouth. “I don’t want to die in a room full of alarms, silence, or sobs. I want to go into my Edmond’s arms surrounded by beautiful music.” I was about to get up and go ask the nurse’s station if they had a radio when Thia chimed in.

  “What do you want to hear?” she asked.

  “I want to meet my dear husband surrounded by Sinatra,” Grace said, with a smile. “It was his favorite. We danced to every Sinatra song there was in our living room.”

  Ti nodded. “Any particular song?”

  Grace shook her head and covered her mouth again with the oxygen mask. She then took my hand and laid it on her chest and did the same with Ti’s. Grace held on to the both of us when, much to my surprise, my girl cleared her throat and started to sing. “Fly me to the moon and let me play among the stars…” her voice was throaty and raspy, yet clear and perfect. Grace relaxed into her pillows and held our hands tight as the machines went haywire once again.

  This time they didn’t stop.

  Just as Ti started the third cho
rus, Grace’s grip on our hands started to loosen. “I see Edmund,” she whispered, staring off into the far corner of the room with a big smile on her face. “Edmund, my darling.” She paused for a moment. “Where is my girl? Where is she? And my Samuel? I want to see my…” Grace’s sentence faded away just as she did.

  Grace slipped quietly and peacefully into her death surrounded by love, music, and the threat of eternal haunting.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  Thia

  “I still can’t believe she’s gone,” Bear said, removing the black button-down shirt he’d worn for the funeral and tossing it onto the bed. I picked it up and folded the collar in a way that would keep its shape, the same way my mother used to do with my father’s church shirts.

  I followed Bear out to the living room and sat on the couch as I watched him sift through the kitchen cabinets on the far wall, searching until he found what he wanted. He unscrewed the cap on the bottle of whiskey and took a swig from the bottle.

  “I know you’re hurting, but you heard her. Grace made it very clear that you and King were the most important people in her life.” I stood up and walked over to him, wrapping my arms around him from behind and resting my cheek on his back as he leaned against the counter. “She loved you. She wanted the best for you. You’re hurting and that’s normal, but when it hurts the worst remember all the good she brought into your life.”

  “Is that what you do?” Bear asked, clearing his throat as if the words were stuck there.

  “What do you mean?”

  “With your parents. Do you remember the good when it all gets to be too much?”

  “I don’t remember much good. A few movie nights with my mom. A dad who was the best dad in the world, until he let her bullshit take him down with her. A brother who was amazing and who I loved very much, but was only in my life for a very short period of time, so I don’t remember all that much about him. They’re all gone and yes it hurts to remember, but the good isn’t easy to come by when it’s in a big cloud of bad,” I said, wrapping my arms around my mid section and rocking back on my heels. “But I know it wasn’t like that with you and Grace. I know there was a lot of good.”

  “It was all good,” Bear confirmed. “Even when she was mad at us. Even when she was disappointed with us. It was still good because she actually fucking cared when no one else did. My old man wanted a soldier, not a son. Grace wanted sons, so it didn’t matter what we did or how bad we were or what decisions we made. She loved us. First person in my life who ever said that to me, who I actually believed.” His eyes met mine. “Until you.”

  “Tell me more about her,” I said. We walked over to the couch and he pulled me onto his lap, resting his head on my shoulder. He took another swig and passed the bottle to me.

  “She bought me condoms once,” Bear said with a chuckle.

  “What?” I asked, trying to keep the whiskey from flying out of my nose. I was relieved to see the small smile that appeared on his face. The sound of his brief laugh warming my insides just as much, if not more than the whiskey.

  He pulled me back in close and continued, “I went over to her place one day. She was always asking us to help her out with the garden and the trash and fixing light bulbs and shit, and honestly, I didn’t mind. I felt like I mattered when she told me to cut my nails or showed me the proper way to place a napkin on my lap when I ate, or rolled her eyes when I belched at the table.” His smile reached his eyes as he recalled that day. “On this one day, I went into her kitchen and there was an industrial-sized box of condoms on the table. Grace was sitting there with one of those green label makers in her hand, turning the dial and humming to herself. When she was done, she peeled off the label and slapped it on the box and handed it over to me.”

  “What did it say?”

  Bear laughed. “It was my name in big bold letters and under it she’d written BECAUSE MAMA GRACE CAN WAIT FOR GRANDKIDS A WHILE LONGER.”

  It was my turn to laugh.

  “She told me that she wasn’t a spring chicken, but that she was a pistol back in her day and that she knew what went on out there in ‘that club of yours,’” Bear said, attempting to mimic Grace’s voice and failing miserably. I passed the bottle back to him.

  “She sounds amazing,” I said, trying not to engage the tear threatening to spill from the corner of my eye.

  “She was amazing,” Bear said softly, staring at the dead TV screen across the room.

  “Too bad you lied to her about the condom thing,” I said, feeling his smile against my hair.

  “I never lied to Grace about that. Or about anything. I always wrapped up, every single time.” I couldn’t help but roll my eyes and pull back to look at Bear’s face, who I’d have sworn would be laughing hysterically at his lie, but instead, he was sitting there straight faced. “I mean it, Ti. Never forgot a single time until you, and honestly, it wasn’t about forgetting. I needed to be as close as possible to you. I needed you to feel every single inch of what I was giving you,” he said, his voice dropping a couple octaves, making my skin come alive with awareness. “Still need to.”

  “We should probably talk about what would happen if—” I started, but Bear cut me off.

  “Ain’t nothing to talk about. Shit sucks right now because things are so uncertain with the Bastards, but Ti you gotta know that you carrying my kid ain’t gonna make me run. I’m a grown man. It’s not like I don’t know what can happen. What will happen if we keep going like this.” He tipped my chin up to him. “I want to keep going like this. I like the idea of you all fat with my kid.”

  I playfully pushed on his chest. “She threatened me,” I announced, trying to change the subject and trying to get the hammering of my heart under control. The smirk on his face told me that he saw right through me, but he humored me anyway.

  “What?” he asked, not sounding the least bit surprised.

  I pushed my hair behind my ear. “Yeah, it was the first time I met her actually. We weren’t even an us then.”

  “She threatened Ray too, back in the day. It’s a good thing. It means she liked you,” Bear said. He closed his eyes and sighed.

  “Grace said if I hurt you she’d come after me,” I told him, “The way she said it, it still scares me.” The hair on the back of my neck stood on end.

  “Yeah, but babe we just came back from her funeral,” Bear reminded me. “No reason to be scared now.”

  I shook my head. “No, you heard her in the hospital. There was something in the way she said it that made me think that even death couldn’t stop her from making good on her threat.”

  “I think you might be right on that one,” Bear said, planting a kiss on my jaw.

  “I think so too,” I said. The lamp on the end table flickered.

  “Promise me you’re not going anywhere. It sucks that Grace is gone, but I can handle it, or I will be able to handle it, because I knew it would happen someday. But if something happened to you…” Bear paused. “I don’t know if I could…no, I know that I couldn’t.”

  “You won’t have to. I’m not going anywhere,” I reassured him.

  I made a promise and I’ll keep it. I will take care of him, I silently vowed to Grace.

  I snuggled in closer to Bear who kissed me again, this time on my temple. I’d meant it. I’d take care of him with everything I had…or I’d die trying.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  Thia

  Silver colored clouds interfered with the normally unrelenting rays of the sun. With the clouds came a few moments of relief from the constant sweltering heat. A light breeze flowed in through the open windows of King’s truck as Ray and I made our way to Grace’s house to pack her entire life into boxes we’d gotten from the back alley of the Quick Stop. “What the hell are they even doing in there?” I asked Ray. It’d been almost twenty-four hours since King and Bear locked themselves in his tattoo shop. Rumbles of laughter, crashing, banging, breaking, and all sorts of loud music could all be heard from the
room. The smell of weed and liquor permeated from underneath the door.

  “Nothing good for them. I’m pretty sure they have enough booze and other shit in there to last them a week.”

  “A week?” I asked.

  “Yeah, but they obviously don’t have a week.” Ray was right. Chop and the Bastards would be back in just a couple of days. Gus had called to let us know the MC had started their trek back from the Carolinas. The war was on its way. “At least they have each other.”

  “Yeah, that’s why even though you showed up in bad shape, I’m glad you came because if you didn’t, Bear would still be out there somewhere when he belongs here, at home. With family. You brought him home,” Ray said. “And you should have seen those two when Preppy died. They locked themselves away for what seemed like forever. But in the end, they came out better for it. Not healed. Not whole. Just…better.” Ray paused. “I told the kids about Grace¸” Ray added, taking a sharp corner without bothering to use the breaks. I held on to the handle on the headliner above the window in fear that I might fall out, suddenly very glad I remembered to wear my seatbelt. “Sorry,” she said after noticing either my white knuckles or the look of fear in my eyes. “I just recently got my license.”

  “You’re doing so good,” I lied, releasing my death grip on the handle and dropping back into my seat after we settled onto a straight patch of road. “How did they take it? The kids?” I asked, as I looked in the rearview mirror to make sure Wolf and Munch were still behind us. Bear may have been having his moment with King, but he didn’t like the idea of us going over to Grace’s unprotected, especially after what had happened with Tretch.

  “King and I talked to them for a while,” Ray said, keeping her hands at ten and two. “But all they got out of it was that Grandma Grace won’t be around to play with them anymore.” Her eyes never left the road. “That alone was enough to set them both to tears. Took us three hours to get Max to settle down. Both her and Sammy wound up sleeping in bed with us.”